 Smoke the smokers!
It's that time of the year, when Helios finally decides to bless us with its graceful presence and Mother Nature retaliates by unleashing a legion of pollens. Between surfacing allergies, streams of freshly secreted hormones, and classrooms that offer no remedy for heat, it is impossible not to get spring fever. Since every action has a reaction, the new conditions called for new regulations: namely stronger enforcement of attendance policies, and yet another set of anti-smoking rules.
So what are the new rules? First and foremost, G-Building, which tends to act as a crossroads because students from all departments take classes there, has been declared a smoke free zone. That means you can't smoke near the entrance, as explained very clearly on a sign that greets you as if you were entering a new country: "Welcome to Smoke-Free Land! No Smoking beyond this point".
Does this prevent people from smoking? No, it only makes the horrendous act a bit more inconvenient. Does it allow the non-smokers to breathe cancer-free oxygen? Well, the back entrance leads to a narrow corridor of bushes on both sides. If you have asthma and can't walk through a gray, smoky cigarette fog, then your only options are to either take the trail next to the entrance, or pray that the short distance to the emergency room will enable you to survive. I rule the first option out right away, as I spend half a treasure chest on new shoes every day. I absolutely cannot tolerate mud or any other forms of earth on my precious darlings. It's black out or the front entrance for me then.
A week after the sign got a permanent foothold at the entrance; a sign was posted on the front door of my dormitory, saying something along the lines of, "In accordance with the Tobacco Prevention Act, smoking in all areas of dorms (including rooms) will be prohibited as of May." Ok, let me see if I understand. Of course that means that my literature student brain needs to overmelodramatize something in order to do this. Say, if I was a smoker and shared my room with three other smokers in a smoker corridor where
no one cared if their room smelled of burnt tobacco leaves, and yet I still decided to open the window while smoking and even went so far as to install an air conditioning system, would I still not be allowed to smoke though it affects no one but myself? Yes. So what happens when a despicable inhuman being of a smoker gets caught poisoning our otherwise problem-free planet? The flier refuses to clarify or comment, but my guess is the punishment would be severe, such as being forced to take calculus again or, heaven forbid, an English 101 course on the nastiness of tobacco products.
Do these measures prevent people from smoking or taking up the habit in the first place? I think it is bound to succeed, a definite winner. Bilkent students are so lazy, they would prefer to give up the habit rather than walk outside to sate their perverted tobacco reliance. The alcohol ban is highly successful after all. No one ever drinks on campus, or downtown for that matter. The odd psychedelic circus-like atmosphere one might observe on the midnight bus is all due to excessive periods of socializing and has nothing to do with indulging in acts of incentive intoxication.
It wouldn't surprise me much to see a new sign that reads "Smoking is strictly prohibited in all areas of the campus, including outdoors and bathrooms. Noncompliance will be dealt with swiftly and effectively. Smokers will be smoked."
Onur Çelik (AMER/II)
o_celik@ug.bcc.bilkent.edu.tr
 |
