 How do hedgehogs keep warm?
You may wonder why this would be a concern of mine. Perhaps knowing the way they act may be of use one day. But how?
A group of hedgehogs needs to huddle together to keep warm during beastly cold weather. However, the closer they get, the more they injure each other with their sharp quills. So, they must step back just a bit. In this way, they feel sufficiently warm while staying safely within reach of their companions.
Don't you think the same occurs with relationships? Just imagine: You're getting on like a house on fire with your friend or significant other. The weather is fair and the birds are singing. But suddenly, something is wrong in spite of all the goodwill and intimacy. Efforts to mend fences are to no avail. At that moment, you come to understand the hedgehog's predicament. Actually, everything is okay; it's just that a distance must be maintained. If a couple gets too close, the individuals may feel disturbed. It can be difficult to maintain the right distance from spouses, children, or friends. If only a balance can be found before the relationship breaks down! Perhaps, not completely, I mean it could go back to the old days of pleasure after a certain period. It depends Fortunately, if it does, it's important to learn from the hedgehogs - stay close enough to keep warm, but not so close as to get hurt.
When we love someone, we sometimes get so close that we unintentionally suffocate him/her with our love. In the process of getting close, both sides can't defend their personal space without inflicting psychological pain on each other. Is it worth the pain of being hurt to be close to another? Keep in mind that two trees can't grow when there isn't enough distance between them because they block out each others sunlight. Again, analogous to relationships, both sides prevent themselves from progressing and creating a world of their own. This line can be so ambiguous that it may be difficult to describe without actually experiencing the dilemma. Ingenuity and experience can help one know where and when to draw the line between too close and too far. Unfortunately, humans don't have quills, but are we not capable of sensing? How come we sometimes can't use our acumen, intuition and insight? What a shame! In fact, our society regards the “cold fish” as being strange, accusing them of arrogance. People who appear to keep too much space from others aren't appreciated either. But there must be a middle ground. A couple doesn't have to stick together like glue to show immense love!
 It must be so perfect to be able to prevent a relationship from getting to the breaking point and then having to heal a broken heart. This is what could keep relationships together for years to come. Throughout life, some things are so delicate that if we don't show enough care, they die out and come to an end. Meanwhile if we don't let them breathe, they drown. Just like a sparrow in our hands, if we grasp too tight, it will be crushed, but if we don't hold on tight enough, it will fly away. To love another seems like such a complex affair.
PS: I confess, all of this may sound very familiar. It is based on an article I read in Turkish called “The Hedgehog's Dilemma” and I fancied sharing it with you.
Müge Tekin (IE/III)
tekin_e@ug.bilkent.edu.tr
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