Volume 16, Number 13
December 22, 2009

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This Week

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alev dešimSweet dreams of my life!

A few days ago a very honorable and admirable elder of mine, whom I consider my mentor, e-mailed to me to say “...I imagined you pursuing a master's degree at one of the prominent universities, studying in an independent way to develop yourself and to the benefit of the society that gives you a great pleasure. You're very close to this...” I smiled with excitement at the thought; then I dreamed I was in a foreign country. Somehow it attracts me. I want to see new places, discover new cultures, meet new people...  Is the only way to go abroad? Probably not. But I had seen it as an opportunity--as you realize now, I've convinced myself to stay here for two more years.

For almost a year, I've been uncertain about my future. What should I do? Where should I go after graduation? In what field do I want to study? What an indecisive person I am. I get angry with myself over this from time to time. The English have a saying to describe such a person: "Jack of all trades but master of none." Perhaps most of us are facing this problem these days, but I see myself too desperate in such situations. It seems to me that I like studying so much that academic life is what suits me the most. But when it comes to studying a subject in depth, I can't carry it through. It's like I'm lost. The incentives written above motivate me only for a short time to have self confidence.

And sometimes, besides these kinds of anxieties, I think of life in general. What is the world going through? What selfish and jealous human beings we are! Imagine a moment in time when there is no greed for money, a place where one is appreciated as well as encouraged for his/her success. If only we criticized any work objectively without thinking about the advantages we could gain from it. I wish for a world where there is no intolerance, destruction, prejudice or violence.

Then a voice in my mind shouts, “No more, please!” and impulse takes me to a quiet corner to  stew quietly in my dream. I think of children, their voices ringing in my ears “No ma'am, I'm five or even six years old!” They shouldn't have to deal with the troubles of the world. I want to tell them, “Don't grow up too fast.” But I keep my mouth shut. I call the clever brains to be children for a day. Then someone holds my hand, saying they understand me: “Purity and innocence are fading day by day as we grow up. The mind of a child is a truly wonderful and beautiful thing, so open to different ideas and not restricted by the impurities society put in people as they age. That world that they used to see is snatched away from them so fast, they don't even realize what is happening.”

Our hands are tightened in a clasp of friendship. I think that we will never get separated. Alas, at that moment I hear my mother call, “Mügee, dinner is ready!”

I whisper if only it had been little later.
-- What did you say?
-- Yes yes, I believe tomorrow will be different!

In this coming new year, let your child's soul come out. Maybe it's worth trying at least once, isn't it? And may all your dreams come true...

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