 I'm not one of those people who has a saying ready for every situation, and I never thought I would write an article beginning with a quote like this, let alone make my introduction this way but well, life works in mysterious ways. Never say never. Sayings are growing on me!
Hello, all Bilkenters and welcome to the 2009-2010 fall semester! This is your columnist writing. I wish you a pleasant year and thank you for reading Bilkent News.
We hear complaints everyday about how rude people have become. Whether you are dealing with people in your professional or personal life, something they say is bound totick you off. But let's not judge all misplaced remarks altogether.
Rudeness, results from insensitivity while bluntness results from ignorance. You can say "it would be rude to do that now," but you can't say "blunt" here instead of "rude" because bluntness is unintentional which makes it more excusable. So there is a very thin line separating them.
The same can be said between a joke and the truth. Don't tell me you never said "it was just a joke" when something you said ended up offending someone. Jokes contain some truth, then what you said is really no longer a "joke." It has become sarcasm. The linguist in me is kicking!
Sarcastic... Sadistic... Wow, they're so close! Sarcasm is fun in a sadistic way. It depends how serious the sarcastic remark, but the "awful truth" is that you take satisfaction in not just stating an unpleasant fact, but doing it in a way that sounds humorous to you. It makes you laugh, if not smile, and you derive pleasure from it no matter how innocent it might be. And technically sarcasm can't be innocent in its truest sense because there's always a motive behind it. So according to the statement above, sarcasm can be rude but not blunt since it is deliberate.
But let me tell you something: Rudeness is just the tip of the iceberg. The real problem is rooted much deeper, and it is called insensitivity.
At some point in your life you must have said "never again" to opening yourself up to people because you've been hurt in some way. If you're thinking "no, that's not me" then, first of all, congratulations. But you will probably finish that thought by saying "...though this friend I have really had it bad one time and now he/she swore never to care or give." If not, then you're in good hands, but still I'm sure you know what I'm talking about thanks to numerous cynical Turkish pop songs that count insensitivity as a remedy for weakness. People are afraid of caring for fear of getting hurt. Hmmm... Why don't we reverse this sick (excuse my rudeness) logic? Why aren't we scared of hurting and not scared of caring?
I think insensitivity is weakness itself. Let's put it this way: while painkillers can relieve your pain, if you take too much you might get addicted and end up where you started. In the same way, if you retreat to your cocoon, insensitivity will become your weakness.
Therefore, rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength, as Eric Hoffer put it. If we turn this sentence over wouldn't caring be a strong man's pretense of weakness?
Just a little bit more consideration, please. Trust me, it won't hurt.
By Gönenç İnal (TRIN/IV) |
