 Down with the Hippies!
If there's one thing that's awful about the modern world, it's that it's awfully nice. I
just can't understand how some people could even consider not liking the times we live in.
There are enough basic necessities and enough happiness to go around. We are told
everything we need to do, and compliance has never been this easy or pleasant. Even in the
cases where all else fails, there's always virtual life and the substitute reality of
fiction. It's heaven on earth, the “Promised Land,” the utopia that all generations
before us have tried, but failed to reach. We've made it, my fellow Earthmen, we've built
the perfect system!
I guess that's the way things work in life though - you build something beautiful and
someone has to ruin it. The fruit bearing tree gets stoned. There are a lot of people
complaining about the way our planet is right now, and the direction it's going. Take all
the fuss over global warming, for example. That's just a bunch of hippies trying to harm
the reputation of respectable state scientists. Well, no need to be afraid, because it
turns out that there is no global warming! It's just the natural course of our planet that
ice caps should melt in the same amount of time as it takes for a rock to change color.
Mother Nature is funny like that. Besides, recent studies show that too much oxygen is
actually bad for you, and that carbon dioxide emissions are really good for your lungs.
See, all the unregulated factories are in fact doing you a favor! Here's something else;
think of how much money we would have to spend on solariums if it wasn't for all the gaps
in the ozone layer. Not only are they a free source of instant tans, and the most
enjoyable way to get skin cancer, but they also provide us with so much sunlight that, if
harnessed, all nuclear power stations could be replaced. The weather outside in October
happens to resemble the typical weather we get in June, and you may have to spend the
majority of your minimum wage salary on sun cream, but it sure beats an ice age! C'mon,
who are you going to trust- “the man” in white who tell us that everything will be
alright, or the abhorrently pessimistic neo-hippies?
These new age bohemians not only oppose all our modern values and our lifestyle, but also
intend to take action against it! Guess what they are up to in the next couple of weeks? A
"Buy Nothing Day!" As the name suggests, it is a day when no one will buy
anything. I wonder if they're even slightly aware of what would end up happening if this
became common practice. Sure, there would be a lot of bored shop assistants, but think of
the bigger picture. What catastrophes would be brought upon us if we were to stop
consuming? Can you imagine a world where you had to produce something yourself? Such an
idea makes my skin crawl. After all the hard work our ancestors did to bring us the
wonders of civilization - all the blood, sweat and tears they shed - these hippies are
suggesting a rewind all the way back to the dark ages? Sorry, but I'm way too busy to
waste time looking for food, and carving my own desk out of a tree trunk. Who are those
hippies dressed in old clothing to tell me what to, or what not to consume anyway?
The neo-hippies, the radical environmentalists and the anti-consumerists are all
suggesting a "simpler" way of life. Bicycles replacing cars, vegetables
replacing the French fries we all adore! No more hummer limos or MTV? I say if they don't
like it, they can just go get a planet of their own. We like our consumption here on
Earth. Besides, recent studies show that landfills are very beneficial for the soil.
Onur Çelik (AMER/II)
o_celik@ug.bcc.bilkent.edu.tr
|
