A Potpourri
BY KARDELEN KALA (TRIN/I)
kala@ug.bilkent.edu.tr
Greetings from Istanbul, that supposedly magnificent city which ruled over three continents for seven centuries, the last three of which can be kindly described as disastrous, and still feels the need to boast about this day in, day out, through every form of media outlet known to man. The "center" of the world for some people, and the only city in the country whose daily life is worth reporting, if I am to believe the newscast rerun I'm currently watching.
Oh, have I mentioned that it's 2:30 a.m. and sleep eludes me, mostly because it's so cold? Seriously, I don't think there are words strong enough to describe how cold it's been lately. They say that this is the coldest winter in a decade. People have died in Europe. And there's a raging snowstorm outside, which is why I am to be found under a layer of blankets, not to mention a heavy woolen jacket (courtesy of my aunt, whose domestic abilities never fail to impress me, if only through my complete lack of any) and a sweater I rarely wear because, wait for it, I find it too warm. So here I am, wrapped up like a newborn baby with a first-class worrier for a mother, typing away as the words come to me (I think it's apparent at this point that I haven't organized anything) instead of on my way back to Ankara on a night bus as I had originally planned. That snowstorm is scary. I felt the effects of cabin fever to the maximum throughout the day, yet I didn't dare venture out. I wanted to brave it and hit the road anyway, but the aforementioned newscast on the city's daily life, as well as a detailed report on the condition of the roads between the old capital and the current one, made me reconsider. Anxious as I may be to get to a warm place to take a long nice shower, I don't think I want it badly enough to brave a suicide mission. I've seen people drive before, on dry roads in sunny weather, and that's scary enough, thank you.
Speaking of scary, let me tell you something for future reference. Listening to Tori Amos at this hour in a dark, sleeping apartment in the cold is never a good idea. I especially discourage you from listening to the wonderfully cynical "Spark" and her unsettling cover/reinterpretation of the already disturbing, albeit poetic, Eminem song "'97 Bonnie and Clyde." Unless of course you enjoy the prospect of having nightmares. Then I can't do anything for you beyond suggesting psychiatric help. And moving on to Leonard Cohen isn't a very good solution either.
So having given up on music, maybe I should think about other things. Looking at the calendar to check my deadline, I realized that you'll be reading this on Valentine's Day. That particular day never really meant anything to me, but I thought I should mention it, because, well, why not? There's a comedy/ webcomic site called The Oatmeal, run by a brilliant graphic artist and illustrator, who created a set of alternative Valentine's Day cards and put them up on the site a couple of weeks ago. I strongly suggest that
you go online and take a look at them. Let's just say that anyone who gave me one of those on Valentine's Day would pretty much guarantee my respect, if not exactly my undying devotion! And while you're on the site, be sure to check out the funniest comic The Oatmeal has ever come up with, called "The C-Word." I swear you won't regret it. The Internet is a fine place indeed if you have time to kill.
Look at me reaching the 700-word mark once again, through the sheer force of musing. I have an instructor who once told me that he stopped reading my column because I treat it like a diary, and a very depressing one at that. I guess I just keep proving him right, don't I? I'll have to go soon; I'm running out of battery on my laptop. I could, in theory, simply walk across the room to plug it in, but let's be honest; it's 3 a.m., and you've grown tired of my ramblings, so maybe it's for the best if I don't bother and go to sleep instead. I do hope my brilliant neighbor Cüneyt turned in a slightly more organized column this week than what I have written, for the sake of everyone patient enough to get through the entire page. If not, well, good luck!