To Be Read or Not to Be Read, That Is the Question
BY KARDELEN KALA (TRIN/I)
kala@ug.bilkent.edu.tr
Last week, during my habitual nagging, insisting, link-sharing and subtly hinting by poking people with the latest issue of Bilkent News to get them to read my column, one of my frustrated friends, upon finally giving in and sitting down to read, asked me a fatal question: "Why would anyone who doesn't know you want to read this?"
This, I'm afraid, is a question I don't have an answer to. Why, indeed, would people want to read the musings, ramblings, chatter and general goofiness of a soon-to-be-21-year-old translation major with about four to six friends and an unexciting life? Do they, even? I realized that I have no way of knowing whether or not people other than the few I bully into reading what I write in three languages have any interest in what I'm doing here. I have no way of getting any feedback, this being a free university paper.
Thinking about it makes me a little depressed. I am, after all, putting time into turning in a column every two weeks, so I feel like I have a right to know if people don't even notice me. And then it hit me. A simple idea, though hardly original, having been lifted straight from my beloved late night host Conan O'Brien. Conan, upon inadvertently insulting Ukraine on the air, was surprised to discover through fan mail that his comments had created a reaction there. He had in fact had no idea his show was broadcast in the country. So, in an effort to "find out" where else his show was being aired, he started insulting the countries of the world in alphabetical order each night. He received an amused reaction from his Finnish fans in the form of letters and postcards even before he reached the letter F. The entire segment was fun to watch and, I can imagine, must have been fun to write.
You think you can see where this is going, don't you? You think I'm going to say that I'm going to categorically insult each and every department of our university to see if I get an angry mob outside my door at night. Well, while I did toy with the idea, I can assure you now that there's no danger of that ever happening. I could paraphrase Shakespeare like nobody's business, but I have neither the wit nor the writing team of Conan O'Brien. I also don't know enough about Bilkent stereotypes to play on them effectively to create "insults" for each. And, there's the small fact that I wouldn't be sure of my job security as a volunteer columnist if I were to insult my presumed readership, don't you think?
So I guess what I'm saying is that it must be fun to be Conan O'Brien. He survived corporate television and Jay Leno's chin, after all. He gets to insult the entire world, reach people through doing what he loves best, shoot hilarious videos with Jon Hamm and interview a wide range of people, some of whom are nothing short of incredible, and I'm pretty sure lots of people follow him (I know I do!). Besides, he gets to do all of this with his crazy bouncy Irish hair, his (by his own definition) freakishly long limbs, vampire skin and string dancing. I may even be a little jealous! (On a related note, I'm equally envious of Jon Stewart, but that's for another day.)
Actually no, not really, what I'm saying is that I really would like to know if what I write every two weeks is of any interest to anyone. I know I am not the best writer out there, but I deeply enjoy writing in almost all of its forms, and unlike some, I also like being read. I get stupidly happy when people I respect enjoy what I produce. I also get really, if not equally, happy when random strangers comment on it. Being published feels really good, and I would like to remain a columnist beyond this semester, but I really want to know if anyone would care if I stopped. I am definitely not fishing for compliments here; this is not about getting people to say good things about my column. I don't care if you hate it (well, I do care, but bear with me here). So, dear reader, I'm talking to you. Just let me know if you have read and enjoyed (or not) this self-serving column as well as any previous ones, will you? Please? Pretty please? Pretty please with a cherry on top? Okay, I think that's enough begging for today!