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We Were There
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1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lit place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
2. Read over the assignment carefully to make certain you understand it.
3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.
4. Stop off at another floor on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to the Fast Food Cafe to buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-through plastic folders, end the friendship.
5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lit place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
7. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
8. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
9. Listen to one side of your favorite tape and that's it, I mean it, as soon as it's over you are going to start that paper.
10. Listen to the other side.
11. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.
12. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if he's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the course, the university, and the world at large.
13. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lit place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
14. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savor their special flavor.
15. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from a Kemal Sunal movie to anything on Kral TV is truly worthwhile.
16. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching. Discuss the finer points of the show.
17. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.
18. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.
19. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
20. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lit place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
21. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the hell of it.
22. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sun rise.
23. Lie face down on the floor and moan.
24. Leap up and write the paper.
25. Type the paper.
26. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write the damn paper the whole night.
Note: Read this advice seriously, but don't take it too seriously!
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