BY BERİRE GÜNDÜZ CS/III)
berire.gunduz@ug.bilkent.edu.tr
Lazy people, one of the most misunderstood and unappreciated groups of human beings, have always faced many problems that working people can’t understand. Because working people only care about those who are similar to themselves, lazy people suffer from having no experts who can solve their problems. As a representative of lazy people, I’m going to try to determine what our main issues are, so that we can find some solutions to our problems while not actually solving any of them, since, as you know, we’re lazy.
1. Having a hard time finding excuses
The biggest challenge that lazy people have to deal with is finding reasonable excuses to goof off. Your excuse should be realistic and believable so that you can persuade both others and your inner self. As a lazy person, you’ll always have to deal with the issue of finding a good excuse; however, with the help of these “practical excuse templates,” you won’t need to worry anymore.
• Physical excuses:
I’m sick, and it’s contagious.
Working gives me headaches.
I might throw up on my homework, so I shouldn’t do it.
• Psychological excuses:
I don’t have any good feelings about studying.
I cry every time I think about how tiring thinking actually is.
Why me?
• Excuses that will sound cool:
Yes, I’m lazy, and I was born this way!
I’m a professional sleeper.
My hobbies are lying still, and lying there with my eyes closed.
• Excuses that won’t look cool but will help you goof off:
I’m too stupid to do anything.
I don’t think I can do this!
WHAAAT?
• Excuses that will make you look like you’re crazy:
I’m from the future, and I assure you that I should just sleep rather than working.
I don’t have time for anything, because I have to find my dragon.
I found my dragon, and he burned up all of my homework.
2. Making your parents give up on you
Most parents think that their child is the next superman, and that causes lots of problems if you’re just a lazy human being. As many of your excuses and lies won’t work on those close to you, you have to make them give up on you becoming the next superman. There are two main ways to get rid of your parents’ expectations.
• Acting like you’re not a lazy person:
This option requires you to act like someone else. For example, if you want to look like a hardworking student, you can take up book whenever you think your parents might be watching you. However, this method may cause your parents to think you’re stupid, since your grades will be bad even though you’re “working hard.”
• Being yourself:
My favorite option is to just be yourself, and be sure that your parents know this too. When you fail an exam, you can simply say to your mother, “I didn’t work hard enough.” For example, by using this method, I’ve made my parents think of me as a smart but lazy student, even though I’m actually stupid.
3. Getting rid of a sudden urge to work
Because the brain is the weirdest organ in your body, you might sometimes want to work for no reason at all. This sudden desire to work may be caused by hormonal anomalies. So my advice for you is, “DON’T LISTEN TO YOURSELF; JUST WAIT UNTIL THOSE THOUGHTS DISAPPEAR.”
4. Giving up on your dreams about the future
As we are human beings too, we sometimes have dreams and hopes about the future that will require us to work hard to achieve them. These moments produce the hardest struggles that lazy people can have. When you imagine getting an A+ on every exam, you also start to believe that you can actually work really hard. Don’t do that to yourself. You’ll end up with heartbreak when you see that you’re just a lazy being after all. To get past these times, just remember the following phrases: “We’re all going to die” and “Nothing really matters.”
5. Guys, I’m not going to continue because of my medical condition.
