BY BERİRE GÜNDÜZ CS/III)
berire.gunduz@ug.bilkent.edu.tr
Tablet 1. Introduction
There was a student, who used to be very lazy;
He wasn’t studying, or doing any activity;
He was as poor a student as there was at any Turkish university
And wasn’t sure how to pass the course called Biology.
He decided to change his name to Gilgamesh
When he realized it rhymed with cash.
He thought, “Maybe this will bring me some luck,”
Or maybe he was just really, really drunk.
He had a caring mother named Ninsun and a father named Lugulbanda;
Before you joke about their names,
I should tell you his father is big as a gorilla.
While they were praying for their lazy son, who had no
Intention of studying,
Googleus, the god of lazy students,
Decided to help the parents who kept complaining.
Googleus used an old trick,
and with only one click,
He brought the Future Gilgamesh to today.
Tablet 2. Body
As you learned in ENG101, main ideas will show up soon;
Just keep reading, or go to the Marmara, because it is very crowded at noon.
Our young Gilgamesh was doing laundry, when the older Gilgamesh
Showed his face; both thought, “What in the world do I see?”
After a few minutes and maybe some cups of coffee,
They started to talk to each other,
And the young one realized that if he couldn’t change,
He would turn into the man in front of him, and no other.
Old Gilgamesh was never able to graduate,
But he had a lot of girlfriends, which was great.
After a while his pockets were empty,
Then he lost all his friends, though he was very friendly.
So he couldn’t find any reason to go out of the dormitory;
Of course he didn’t start to study, he just kept being lazy.
After a while they also shooed him out of his room
Because he never took a bath, he just used perfume.
Old Gilgamesh then started to live in the Bilkent forest,
Talking with animals as if they could understand him;
And his mom washed his dishes,
“’Cause you should keep your dishes clean and shiny
Even though you can’t find anything to eat, honey!”
“Now what?” said the young Gilgamesh;
Answered the old one, “Let’s just find a source of easy money.”
“What about clothes?” said the young Gilgamesh;
Answered the old one, “They’re clean until they’re smelly.”
They started their journey from the library,
By reading, they thought, they could solve the mystery.
However, this is an epic about laziness,
So they left there, without reading even one book.
(I think this is what we would all do
If we were in a storybook.)
Then they traveled all around campus,
Until they arrived deep in the forest of Bilkent
Where they found the seeds of the money tree.
When you have a money tree,
You can basically collect liras from that tree.
But a sneaky snake came over, which was venomous,
And suddenly they got bitten and became unconscious.
Tablet 3. Conclusion
When he woke up,
He realized he had been dreaming all along.
He remembered his HUM111 assignment,
And its due date was near;
It was about Gilgamesh, and it had to be long.