Every female, sooner or later, realizes that she is different from all other women. One
day, she realizes that she must be cleverer, more attractive, more ambitious and
independent. She must be able to live independently and thus she must be clever to become
a successful member of society. She must be attractive and beautiful because society
usually thinks that a woman must look after her physical self and must essentially, be a
top model. A woman must be ambitious to compete with other women and more importantly,
with men. While she tries to fulfill these qualities, she must also be able to accept
playing second fiddle and being behind successful men. If a woman is married, she must be
the force behind her husband. If she is not married, to marry, she must ultimately accept
being in second place.
I have met many females who are studying in universities to become highly educated
housewives. This is a decision I respect, but this decision forces a woman who wants to
become successful and a housewife to either choose, or give up some of her success. A
person who really understands this dilemma, in my opinion, is Can Dündar. In his article
"Şehir ve Kadın," he wrote that, "Being a woman these days is like being
a person who is half pregnant." It seems he is trying to show that a woman's
responsibilities given to her by society and her desire to succeed professionally, create
a load that is hard to carry. I am not married; I am only responsible to my self, but I
have time management issues so I cannot imagine myself working, then going home to do the
cooking, then tidying up for children and a husband etc., all by myself.
In another article of Can Dündar's written March 8 where he explains the situation of
women from the 1970s until now and underlines that as women move through social changes
they become more "male-ish" and kill their feminine qualities and consequently,
kill love. Sadly, I agree with him, because I am also one of these women. Maybe I am still
not interested in football, but I can argue with my boyfriend about my computer's
performance compared with his. I do not need him to fix anything at home. And he can never
satisfy his ego by feeling strong around me. When we argue about anything, he knows that
the only thing connecting us is our love, which is scientifically proven to end in three
years.
Then what will happen? Will we become one of these couples who decide to finish their
relationship? Is it that easy? Even for a woman who has become "male-ish" it is
not that easy. But for males, generally, it is not worth the fight. So when you are an
independent woman, men do not think that you have feelings that can be hurt and are able
to walk away freely and start a new relationship. As a result, relationships become
meaningless. So who are the winners in such a world, men or women?
Sıla Türkü
Kural (EE/III)
turku@ug.bilkent.edu.tr
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