Leave Me in the Autumn

09 October 2017 Comments Off on Leave Me in the Autumn


I dare you: I will give you four letters, and you will be able to ask endless questions. Ready? L-I-F-E. I was right; to define, to understand, to examine or even to criticize it, you can – in other words you must – ask many questions. Life is all about questions, looking for the answers and the results. Isn’t it true that a person exists with several questions and finds himself within them? Aren’t we the ones who run after the questions, spend our lives looking for the answers, and give up on life before finding them?

Have you ever realized when it is that you spend the most time thinking about life, thinking about yourself, and also questioning everything? It’s autumn – the season where nothing stays still. Everything is in a hurry. I don’t know; maybe this is a result of the wind. Upon the wind, memories, decisions, regrets, future, past and present come into our minds and leave their scars. Therefore, this season appears to be full of questions; it appears to be the most interesting one. Now the weather is changing, and autumn is mostly here. Our lives will be tough, and interesting too.

It’s the time of the year when many opposites dance in harmony. The weather gets cooler, but hearts get warmer. Days get shorter, but dreams get longer. It doesn’t matter how much darker the clouds become; all the hopes are lighter. Maybe the rain washes away the fears; maybe the drops are the world’s tears. Crying is always a good method to release pain, so maybe it is autumn that removes all the negativity. It’s neither black nor white, but often gray in the autumn. Most people would say, “I prefer black or white; I don’t like anything in between, anything uncertain.” Even if you truly believe this statement, you will love each and every tone of gray in the autumn. You will see that it’s not the uncertainty – it’s the combination, formation and regeneration. When you start to love gray, you will at the same time understand that sometimes, uncertainty is sweetness.

Birth and death – another opposition. Autumn gives birth to winter, while it cries away the death of summer. When winter comes, we miss the warmth of the summer sun, but when it’s summer, we want the purity of the white snow. Without absence, it’s impossible to appreciate existence. Autumn is the place where existence and annihilation intersect. I admire autumn.

The physical oppositions of autumn bring psychological ones with them. You won’t know what to do. Stay or leave. Love or hate. Believe or not. Songs, books, movies, quotes…they will all have a common theme. I’m sure that you’ve noticed at least one of them talking about how love is different in autumn. It becomes more romantic to walk in the rain but also easier to cry under the rain. In autumn, we feel alone – isolated, desolate and forgotten. Humans hate being forgotten, but they wish to forget. They’re afraid to love, but they want to be loved.

It hurts in the autumn. Words, songs, lyrics – they all hurt more then than at any other time of the year. I don’t have any kind of logical or scientific explanation for that. I think it’s magical. The way our souls and moods change during those months is unbelievable. Feeling the emotion of “hurt” shouldn’t make you hate autumn. You should love it. You should admire everything that hurts you. After a while, you won’t believe how far these experiences have taken you; how mature you are will be impressive. You’ll know more and understand better. So whenever you feel pressured during this season, remind yourself that it’s magic. What seems hard today will make everything easier tomorrow. The event you look at as bad actually happened for your good.

Look around. Look at the first tree you see. Most of its leaves will be yellow, and turning to brown with every second. I know it seems depressing that millions of leaves will go from green to brown, fall down from the trees, fly away with the wind and disintegrate into pieces. But remember that something must go for new things to come. Every end is followed by a beginning. The goal should be making the best of the time between a beginning and an end. It’s all about loving yourself and those who are around you, and living the moment.

If you ever start forgetting how to enjoy the moment, remember those leaves. Remember that it won’t always be summer. Know that every life has a fall. One day, you’ll be that leaf; you’ll be saying goodbye to the branch that you’ve gotten used to. Or maybe you’ll be the tree, and you’ll need to let the leaves go. What I want to say is that whenever you feel overwhelmed by the situation, try to love what you have. Nothing will be the same tomorrow. As long as it’s still summer, hug tight to your branch, or don’t let your leaves fall. What you have now is the best for now – nothing less, and nothing more.

Now, go outside. It doesn’t matter if it’s early in the morning, or late at night. It also doesn’t matter if the sun is shining or the clouds are crying. Just go outside, and breathe in the fresh, wet air. Listen to nature. Feel the cool breeze touching your skin. Feel free; feel lucky to be here.