BY BERİRE GÜNDÜZ CS/III)
berire.gunduz@ug.bilkent.edu.tr
BY BERİRE GÜNDÜZ (CS/III)
The Benefits of Being Depressed
Depression is always spoken of as something that’s very unfortunate and unpleasant. However, many good things about this dark state of mind could be found if people weren’t so biased. So today is the day that we’re going to shatter those prejudices and look for the good side of being depressed—because we’ll all eventually be depressed at some time in our lives.
1. Preventing Global Warming
Global warming is one of the biggest problems of today’s world, as Leonardo DiCaprio said in his acceptance speech at the Oscars. (Congratulations, Leo! By the way, I didn’t know that you read Bilkent News.) One of the little things that can be done to help solve this problem is to waste as little water as possible. Here, depression comes in to save humanity. When people are depressed, they usually neglect their personal hygiene, which means that by not taking showers or brushing their teeth, they use less water. So depression can actually help us increase our chances of living longer though smellier lives.
2. Saving Energy
It’s a fact that depression makes you not want to do anything. But did you know that humans expend more energy when they’re happy? When you’re happy, you tend to smile more, which requires more muscle movements than normal; you’re more likely to walk with a spring in your step, which definitely means more calorie burning; and you’re more likely to hang out with your friends, which means spending both money and energy. In short, all of these activities require more energy than normal, and when you’re depressed you’ll avoid doing any of them, so your depressive thoughts can help you save both money and energy. Isn’t this a good deal?
3. Less Responsibility
If you look depressed, people will demand less from you. It’s hard to ask a person to wash the dishes if he looks suicidal, and it’s very cruel to give someone homework when he says things like “Life is meaningless.” And when it comes to your inner conflict as to whether or not you should do what you’re supposed to, depression again saves the day by making anything other than being sad seem very unimportant to you. So being depressed can also help you escape your responsibilities.
4. Weird Dreams
The best thing about being depressed is of course the weird dreams that are caused by antidepressant 
drugs. Weird dreams are responses to both the hormonal changes in your brain and the subconscious stress caused by depression. You can see yourself as a dragon that feeds on unhappy purple aliens and flies over dream landscapes. Or, if you’re able to take control of your dreams, you can live in a whole new world that you’ve designed yourself, like in the movie “Inception.” (Hi, Leo!)
5. Decreasing the Chances of Bad Events
As I said, depression steals all your life energy and makes you lie in bed until the end of time. And by doing nothing but lying in bed, you’re actually preventing bad things from happening to you. If, because of depression, you don’t go out on the street, a car can’t hit you; if you don’t talk to anyone, you can never be betrayed by a friend; if you don’t eat anything, you can’t have food poisoning; and so on. So if you just lie there on your bed, the chance that something bad will happen is very low. Actually, the chance that anything will happen is very low. And some people might prefer to be silent rather than scream.
6. Getting Used To It
When you’re depressed, you actually get used to being depressed, and over time you either learn how to deal with it or just get rid of it by committing suicide. So every experience you have with depression will help you fight another bout. I know that it’s very irritating to think about the next time you’ll get depressed when you’re having a good time. But if we choose to keep on living, there’s nothing we can do other than learn how to deal with depression. My advice is to never hesitate to cheat by doing something like seeking professional help when you’re fighting with your dark state. Because if Leonardo DiCaprio can win an Oscar, there’s still hope for all of us. Bye, Leo (you unrealistically handsome man)!