Substitution Effect
BY CÜNEYT YILMAZ (ECON/IV)
cuneyt_y@ug.bilkent.edu.tr
"Are You the Next Student Columnist? Join the Bilkent News Family." Thus began a classified ad, one devoid of the slightest amount of sentiment, in our beloved newspaper the other week. And this, probably quite contrary to what it was meant to do, spotlighted an important soon-to-become reality -- namely, that these are my last columns for Bilkent News. "Maybe Belle and Sebastian were right," I lamented to myself, "people come and people go."
Don't get me wrong. I'm well aware of the inherently transitory nature of this newspaper -- and the university as a whole for that matter. It's just saddening to see that you aren't the only one who's aware of it, and how readily a substitute for you may be sought (as in "Bilkent News is looking for student columnists for the fall semester"). Was this the kind of end I had in mind two years ago before replying to the question at the beginning of this column with "Indeed, I am"? No, hell no!
Credit where credit's due, though -- what our newspaper is looking for in a columnist has changed a lot since I first stepped into the job. At that time, they simply wanted you to come up with "something that will blow people's socks off, that will move mountains, that would even impress Shakespeare!" I wonder if my first article was anywhere near that -- not that I think what I've been writing recently is -- and if my performance is what has changed their taste in columnists.
Now they have a simpler definition of the kind of journo they're looking for. "Student columnists write columns about life on campus, opinion pieces, or reviews." Yes, as simple as that, only with a few further requests: "Columnists should be well informed and seek to generate discussion with humor, insight and sensitivity by writing in an authoritative but accessible manner." Authoritative but accessible, deffo my way of doing it!
In fact, they even went a step further and presented their expectations regarding a student columnist in list format. So I think this is a good time to step back and see if I'm fulfilling any of them, before actually retiring from Fleet Street back into my shell.
1. Be deadline-oriented and able to coordinate dates and deadlines with the editors.
Statistically speaking, if this criterion is to be taken as a must for a student columnist, I myself am a huge deviation from the mean. Given the fact that I'm writing this on a Friday night -- i.e., three nights after the actual deadline -- I plead guilty. The court has every right to decree that a new student columnist shall be hired immediately! If necessary, I should be flogged before the
public, too.
2. Keep abreast of campus activities, news events, etc.
I do have a fondness for campus activities as long as they don't revolve around consuming huge amounts of alcohol and dancing to music I barely understand. Oh, and if I don't have to put up with the constant nagging of some big name in politics in the shape of a conference called "Democracy in Turkey," or someone who is deemed popular just because she has more than five thousand followers on Twitter. But just because I despise them doesn't mean I don't keep abreast of them, right? RIGHT?
3. Set goals to improve journalistic skills and work diligently on improving writing.
It's very hard for one to notice the improvement in his own writing -- that is, of course, if any -- unless he was a terrible writer at first but now simply refrains from writing anything at all. In other words, you be the judge of that!
4. Have a strong command of English and the desire to constantly improve.
Well, I do maintain a moderate level of desire to improve. But I'm an economist after all, so I'll have to stop when I arrive at a steady state.
5. Write with sensitivity and never employ hate speech.
This reminds me of my article "Nothing Else Letters," which was a letter I wrote to Metallica. Does speaking of my hatred of their song "Nothing Else Matters" and kindly asking them to destroy it count as hate speech? I hardly think so. In fact, I was quite a gentleman throughout my letter -- well, until I told them that their parents had been taken hostage. That certainly was the last straw.
6. Write well-reasoned columns.
By writing a column about a news article that indirectly tells potential columnists how a column should be written, I think I've proved my well-reasoning skills.
If not, well, bear with me for two more columns and I'll be gone. I promise. [Tears.]